The Mom I Want To Be

Swim confidence! I thought 9 months was an especially adorable age (before Baby started getting very loudly opinionated). I sometimes miss the teenie tininess of my newborn who weighed so little and would lie beside me for hours. But boy do I LOVE being a 1-year-old's mom. I love being a mom in general--watching over my baby, seeing him grow and learn, taking care of his needs, and loving him every day. And don't get me wrong, it can be exhausting to try to work from home, entertain your child, and clean up his messes at this age. But he is such a sheer delight to parent right now (I know terrible twos are right around the corner, so let me have this moment). He walks everywhere. Which is not only adorable to see him act like the tiny human he is, but is also a game changer. Like I can be eating ice cream in the kitchen and see his little head as he moves from the living room toward me, giving me just enough time to either hide the evidence or fetch him a spoon. He can f...

I haven't been able to remember many of my dreams lately, probably because parenthood keeps you tired enough to just zonk out at the end of the day. But the dreams I do remember, per usual, are still as vivid as ever. The ones with family are nice--especially when we get to do things in the dream that we can't do together currently because of the pandemic. I still remember before we started visiting again, I had a dream of my mom and I just sitting next to each other on a set of stairs in a house, chatting away about everyday things. I really missed that and feel lucky that at least now we get to do that much again. But I love the dreams that leave me feeling something when I wake up--not regret, disappointment, or even relief, but the ones where I leave feeling happy, with a true sense of closure or satisfaction or just calm. The morning of June 13, I dreamed that my family was on vacation in another state, going to visit my grandparents on my Dad's side. When my gr...

We made it to a year! I've been a mom for one full year! I still can hardly believe I'm a mom, but I do have this little baby--toddler--to prove it. After baby steps on May 16, this little toddler showed off some real walking! On May 27 he took his steps from one place to another (chair to couch) and has been practicing ever since. He's gotten good at pulling himself up to stand on his own--no more furniture or parent required for leverage. Crawling is still faster and more stable, but he constantly shows us he really does want to get good at walking. And it's too adorable to see his jerky sidestep around the room like a little crab or power forward on shaky legs only to lose balance and land on his diaper with a giggle. In addition to this awesome milestone, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention baby's first birthday "party" and first cake smash too! The morning of June 5, I was as nervous and excited as if I had planned a whole big bash ...

We're already in our third month of quarantine, and while life certainly doesn't feel the way it used to, change is upon the horizon. Some businesses are opening up, with social distance rules in place. My husband started going back to work this week, if only for half a day. My organization is discussing plans for a return to work/work-from-home hybrid model that could begin as early as mid-June (about another month) or as late as July/August. In the meantime, Baby has benefited from getting to have his Mima babysit for the first time in two months (helping out at my house for the four hours Hubby is gone at work). The month of May actually started out really well. After 50 days straight of not leaving the house, Hubby took me to an outdoor cafe for the Saturday before Mother's Day. In fact, my first Mother's Day weekend could not have been more magical. My son and I wore matching outfits on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. We commemorated the day with social distance p...

It's been a while since I've written on my "mom blog" since I've been busy tracking the coronavirus times on my remote blog . I share a lot about my son and my experiences working from home with him there, but it didn't feel like the right place to track all the growing and changing he does, which would be happening whether there was a global pandemic or not. And while I thought 8 months was adorable and 9 months was the most fun interaction yet, 10 months has proven to be especially awesome. My son's appearance, of course, is becoming slightly less "baby" and slightly more "toddler" as he grows taller, baby fat disappears, and his head becomes covered with even more adorable wavy/curled hair (still as soft and sweet smelling as ever). The fact that he's pulling up to stand and cruise around the furniture all the time now makes him seem even more like a little toddler already! But one of the best things about this new "loo...

Raising a baby during a global pandemic is honestly the last thing I ever expected to do. I was prepared to have sleepless nights. Prepared to watch a baby grow up in the blink of an eye. Prepared to never stop worrying and never stop loving. But I wasn't prepared for a situation like this. As if written in a dystopian young adult novel, our state has had to make difficult decisions like closing down ALL nonessential businesses for a month. My work has had to make difficult decisions like moving all classes online in the course of two days. Hubby is off for weeks while I am able to work remotely and finally find out what it's like to be one of those moms who works from home and actually sees her child all day. I didn't want to have to find out like this. There's a lot of fear and panic right now. Fear of the unknown. Fear of what's going to happen to the economy. Fear of getting sick. Fear of loved ones getting sick. Fear of running out of supplies. I'm...

One thing I'm especially proud of with my son--aside from his friendly personality, adorable expressions, strong body, smart mind, great appetite, very few tears, improving sleep schedule, overall curiosity, cute babbling (and on and on and on)....is his confidence. At 9 months, Baby already has more sheer confidence than I do, certain that he can stand up on his own, reach down to pick up a toy, stand again, reach on tiptoe to grab another toy, open cabinets, get what he wants, etc. It started even earlier, when we could tell how badly Baby wanted to crawl even before his body was ready--he found his own ways to scootch himself backward and forward and he hasn't stopped moving and grooving since. I hope this means he'll be a confident child and adult going forward. Except for when he clings a little extra tight to Mommy while Daddy runs the vacuum cleaner, Baby certainly doesn't act shy. He's comfortable having (most) strangers hold him, he smiles at almost ev...