The Mom I Want To Be

You're growing so fast--everyone told me it would happen. But I don't feel time slipping away just yet. Even though you look so different than you did as a newborn, the change almost happened without me noticing it. You're still the little one nursing on a pillow in my lap. Your eyes are still bright with wonder. But yes, you are bigger, your cheeks chubbier, your hair longer. And the things you can do now! From moving your own way in rolls and rocking to suddenly crawling across the whole living room! Pulling yourself up onto your knees, grabbing our legs, and even pulling to stand when you've got something sturdy enough to hold onto, like the edge of your crib. You're so much fun now--cuter every day--and so interactive! You're ticklish on your tummy, sides, shoulders, back, and feet (sometimes). You smile at everyone, as usual, but you give a special smile to me when I come home from work. Oh, I could live on a diet of just your smiles and it would be all

When you're a mother, it can be easy to lose a part of yourself--temporarily or permanently, the woman you were before Baby is no longer there because you are henceforth woman with a child. Everything is about your child, especially in the early months. That's why I found myself dropping most of my extra commitments last year, from book clubs to skin care regimens. But, because you are  losing this piece of who you were, it's important to hold on to some small pieces of your past, and some small things that make you happy outside of being a mom. I let myself go to one writing group meeting a month, and I treat myself to coffee almost every day. I also made sure that nothing would stop me from traveling to Texas for my grandfather's 90th birthday. Even though I knew traveling with an almost 8-month-old might be difficult, I was going to get him to meet his great-grandfather. I was going to get professional photos of them together. I was going to speak and eat cake at

So. Many. Buttons. Not feeling it on the way back. Daddy walked him around the plane. This week we were lucky enough to take our first out-of-state trip as a family to Texas to visit my grandfather for his birthday. Add to that the fact that my grandfather is my only living grandparent. Add to that the fact that he was turning NINETY years old. And add to that the fact that he would be getting to meet his first and only great-grandchild for the first time—well this overall was an event not to be missed! Hubby was definitely nervous about traveling with a baby, though, and I admit I wasn’t without worry myself, despite optimism that, “it would all work out in the end” and “it’s not like he’s the first baby to ever go on a trip.” What worried me most, however, was definitely the plane ride. From our home to Texas was only about three hours by plane, but that’s still three hours in a confined space with lots of germs, with air pressure changes and little ears and lots of peo