Growing

You're growing so fast--everyone told me it would happen. But I don't feel time slipping away just yet. Even though you look so different than you did as a newborn, the change almost happened without me noticing it. You're still the little one nursing on a pillow in my lap. Your eyes are still bright with wonder. But yes, you are bigger, your cheeks chubbier, your hair longer. And the things you can do now! From moving your own way in rolls and rocking to suddenly crawling across the whole living room! Pulling yourself up onto your knees, grabbing our legs, and even pulling to stand when you've got something sturdy enough to hold onto, like the edge of your crib. You're so much fun now--cuter every day--and so interactive! You're ticklish on your tummy, sides, shoulders, back, and feet (sometimes). You smile at everyone, as usual, but you give a special smile to me when I come home from work. Oh, I could live on a diet of just your smiles and it would be all I need to survive. But even better, you reach out to me at last, and I finally feel like our bond is more than just one-sided. You want me. Not just for milk. You want me.

And that may be a silly thing to say, but when you were so small, you didn't seem to want anything other than food to survive. I couldn't get you to stop crying the way Daddy could. Is this because he had skin-to-skin contact with you first while I was still in the operating room? Because you smelled the milk in me and would only be happy if I was nursing you and not holding you? Was it just all my imagination because I worry about everything? Still, I worry a little less now.

Though still present, the dangers of SIDS is decreasing. The worry that you'll flop over and fall is less as you can support yourself sitting (when did that happen?) and hold your head up stronger than you did as a newborn with your "spaghetti neck" as we called you. Though sometimes that floppiness reappears when you're just waking up and can't seem to lift your head until you're fully awake and aware.

And now that you can crawl, the dangers have also increased! Must keep you away from cords and corners, hard surfaces and soft, fluffy dust bunnies that look so delicious. Will they harm you permanently? Probably not. But that doesn't mean I want to try. I'd rather have you keep eating your real food, as you slowly transition from single food purees to mixed foods. Proteins and cereals. And finger food not far behind, because you already have TWO teeth--still for biting more than chewing--making your once gummy smile a little more full. Adorable, but I miss the empty mouth too. And the mouth with just one tooth. But soon I will love your mouth with three teeth, and four, and so many more. In the meantime I get to see you voraciously CHOMP down on your toys and bottles and try really hard to keep you from chomping down on me.

You're a fickle boy sometimes, at this age. One moment you cling to Daddy and he's the only one to get you to stop crying. The next moment Mommy gets your kisses and you cry when she leaves the room (I'm okay with this, by the way). One day you hate baths so much you cry when we set you in one. The next, you stare at the water in wonder and happily play with your yellow ducks. Some days you want to talk up a storm of adorable baby babble mixed with "Mama"s and "Broom Broom"s, and the next we can't get you to speak in front of our friends to save our lives. Still, I know you have a lot to say, and want to be understood. You SIGH a lot, clearly frustrated that your poor parents aren't smart enough to understand your language. But we do know you like up and hate down.

And you're NEVER fickle with food. I've never seen a baby so happy to eat anything put in front of him--whether it be veggies, oatmeal, or a bottle of water. I can't even imagine the excitement on your face when you taste your first cake and ice cream. It's so much fun to see you so happy.

You play by yourself now, and with others. Instead of just trying to eat everything you touch you've started to learn to pick up objects, bring them to your face or ear, and set them down again only to pick them up with your other hand once more. You crawl into laps and use others' legs and shoulders to pull yourself up and stand and CLIMB! You may be a gymnast one day, but please not quite yet!

What's next, my dear? Will you wave? Will you clap? Will you take your first steps? Will you finally sleep in your crib for more than two hours or beside Mommy through the night? Some days you are close and we're so relieved (and rested). Others we debate calling out sick to work just to get in one more nap during the day. It's back and forth, just like you as you grow. And that's okay. Because I know you won't be this way forever. You won't be this little, fickle, happy, fun baby forever. And I love you just the way you are. And I love watching you grow.