Hashtag Mom Life

With June just past, not only did we have Kiddo 1's summer birthday, but we had the 5th anniversary of the day I became a mom (not counting pregnancy, which I do like to count, but this makes it easier to set something official). Wow, five whole years of being a mom. I've gone beyond the four-year "best years of your life" high school learning period. I'm into continuing adult education here! So what have I learned in five years? I'd hardly consider myself an expert after only five years, but I do feel like I've been a mom for a lot longer (seeing as how I've wanted to be a mom since approximately age 4 myself). Here are some things that I have found essential in being a mom of young children (and being a mom in general), that I can impart to others on the same path as me:

1. Patience and empathy are essential.

Before I had kids, I never set out to be a certain "type" of parent--crunchy, helicopter, authoritarian, etc. I kind of expected to just make it up as I go, based on my own values, my husband's values, and the knowledge we've gained from family and friends. It turns most a lot of what I believe aligns with the "gentle parenting" or, my preferred term, "peaceful parenting" style, which isn't about passivity but more about acceptance: letting kids be who they are, guiding instead of punishing kids for behaving outside society's norm, recognizing that kids are people in development who deserve respect and understanding just as much as any adult, knowing that their feelings are valid and their priorities might not match your own. I've also heard this being called "conscious parenting" or even "respectful" or "mindful" parenting. It's not easy. But whether you subscribe to this philosophy or not, I can promise that you'll have much more long-term success in your parenting journey if you apply patience and empathy in your interactions with your children. Kids are going to take a long time to do things (whether it's go to sleep, put on their shoes, respond to your questions, understand the concept of physics, graduate college or give you grandkids--if they do). You might as well accept the slow pace and lean into it instead of get yourself worked up every time you have to wait. And kids are going to have big feelings about a lot of things because they have such little power and control in their lives. Empathizing with them will help their emotional growth and let them know you are someone who will always have their back. So let them make pancakes, even if you know it will make a mess. Messes can be cleaned. Not everything else can be fixed so easily. And speaking of messes...

2. Wipes and vacuums are essential.

Even after we outgrew the diaper bag phase of parenting, I continue to carry wipes in my purse. For my toddler, of course, they are needed for poops in public (see number 3). For both kids, they are essential for cleaning hands, faces, drips of ice cream, knees that decided to rub up against the nearby parked car's tire. You just can't go wrong. At home, a hand vacuum is equally essential--for picking up dried Play-Doh, crumbs of every shape and size, cleaning out carseats, etc. You will never regret having a handy vacuum in your home, unless you happen to buy one with a battery that dies too quickly or isn't strong enough to suck dino nugget breading off your couch. There are other easy ways to tackle messes as well. I use Shout spray for stains to keep clothing somewhat pristine. Towels in general have been on hand since I first gave birth to clean up everything from milk leakages to juice spills. You'll absolutely find what works for you as far as mess cleanup, but man do wipes and vacuums come in handy.

3. Have a Poop Plan

If your kids are under five (or under seven? We haven't made it that far yet), you likely have to deal with a lot of poop. A LOT. You'll of course be getting used to diaper changes since birth and have learned all about that black meconium, the yellow butter-smell (yes, some newborn poop smells like pancakes or popcorn!) and how to wipe for a girl vs. a boy. You may have even had some blowouts or poop play to deal with (we are extremely lucky that neither of our children have decided to play with their poop though we do often have to make sure their hands don't reach down into their behinds)! Once they stop being "babies," however, poop often requires a plan because it becomes less frequent and more spontaneous. You don't quite know when it's going to strike. For example, at the library. Or in the bathtub. Our poop plan for tub accidents involves a very quick removal of any person in the tub then one parent spraying down the kids in Mommy's shower while the other parent drains the tub, removes the accident with gloves, tosses or sanitizes any toys in the water, and then bleaches the tub clean. We've got it down to a science. I also carry an extra pair of underwear with me just in case Kiddo 1 has an accident out in public. It never ever hurts to be prepared.

4. Set Play-Doh and Slime ground rules from the beginning.

As we lean into those messes remember that sensory toys are going to feel good to kids but not so good to you when it gets stuck in your carpet. We don't ban Play-Doh and slime in our household, but we do have firm rules about where it can be played with. From the beginning I stressed that Play-Doh could only go on hard, flat surfaces. Meaning the kitchen tile or a paper plate--NOT the carpet. Thankfully we don't have carpet anymore but when we did we still managed to ruin it with Play-Doh pieces despite the rules because toddlers. Our slime and kinetic sand rule is simple: not in the house. Backyard or front yard is fine, but that stuff is not coming inside--not even stuck to their shoes.

5. Make it fun. Make it a ritual/family tradition.

Before I became a parent, I didn't know how important something as simple as going out for haircuts would become. Now with two boys, they both know that haircuts = cookie dough afterward. Or donuts. Some weekends its just brunch at Carl's Jr. But it has become fun weekend family time together while getting a special treat. It's a tradition, a ritual, a special time that I never would have expected before kids. I love going out to get Starbucks with Kiddo 1 before school. I love ice cream dates and walks around the neighborhood and the simplest things that mean a lot because we're just doing it together. Find what works for your family, and make it fun. Kiddo 1 used to call Target: "Target, where the toys are" because we would shop for one toy together any time we went. I have a special memory of the first time he went to CVS with me and my own mom because he frantically cried "Mimi!" when he lost sight of her in the aisles (back before he could even say "Mima."). It was not fear of being lost himself but clear concern for her, and with the cutest little voice. Simple errands will not be exciting forever, so enjoy the ways you can make these moments special for you.

6. Never pass up an opportunity for snuggles.

It's a cliche, but they will never be this little again. You don't know when will be the last time you will hold them in your arms, the last time they will ask you to sleep next to them, the last time they will want to spend time with you (I know those teenager years will look a lot different). But you will never stop loving them SO immensely. And if your love language is touch like mine, you just have this urge to have fingers touch, bodies next to each other, smell their hair, or give big bear hugs. So if they ask, say yes. Even if it's inconvenient. Even if you want to go lie down with your husband or just surf on your phone. They won't always ask. And some kids are more snuggly than others, so the opportunities to snuggle may be even fewer. Kiddo 2 is definitely more independent than Kiddo 1 in that regard. Kiddo 1 will ask to be carried, held, and still reaches for me in the middle of the night. Kiddo 2 will squeeze out of my arms and drop to the floor. BUT, when he asks me to dance with him, or climbs into my lap and curls into my body to watch TV you better believe I'm not moving.

If I've learned nothing else about motherhood in 5 years, I've learned overall that motherhood suits me. It's exactly what I've always wanted and has definitely lived up to the dream. I am happiest having a kid on each side of me, a hand in each hand. Just being near them at the end of the day or talking about them when we're a part. Motherhood is my identity, my joy, my special interest that I love to focus on. So for Mother's Day I made it special by hosting my own Mother's Day brunch in our new house. For Kiddo 1's summer birthday I paid for every kid who RSVP'd and made sure his cake was exactly what he wanted. As we get ready to navigate Kindergarten in August (I'm so not ready but I have the tools to get there), I focus on the exciting aspects of this next step in my child's childhood and my own parenthood. I even bought myself a travel mug covered in "Mom Daily Affirmations" that remind me "I am a confident mom" or "I am exactly who my family needs," or "I appreciate and love my body" or, my favorite, "My family is my priority and I love it." Because it's all true. It's all important. And it's all part of that #MomLife.