The Mom I Want To Be

I started saying it a little before my second son was born. "We should get this for the boys." "I can't wait to take the boys." The phrase sounded both familiar (we called my brothers "the boys" growing up) and yet foreign at the same time. I was going to have two boys. They were now "the boys." It was like the day after our wedding when Hubby and I got a couple's massage at our hotel's spa. I came out of the session and approached the front desk since Hubby was no where in sight. "I'm just waiting for my husband," I said. At the time saying "husband" sounded foreign, but also exciting. I could say "husband" now. I can say "boys" now. They're both here, and it's fun to refer to them as a unit because they are our unit. Our kids. And I'm sure as they grow older they will be even more of a unit--peas in a pod, partners in crime--instead of just baby and toddler. There's not muc...

I wouldn't exactly say I got a decent amount of sleep before Baby 2 came along. After all, Baby 1 was hit or miss whether he would completely sleep through the night or whether he would wake up once and need a soothing cuddle to send him swiftly back to dreamland. Not to mention the fact that after he went to bed I'd usually stay up a couple extra hours (or more) to have just a smidgen of "me time." But, I do have to admit I'd kind of forgotten just how "sleepless" the first few weeks (or months) of having a newborn can be. Because while it is possible to get some sleep, any rest you get is broken sleep, which is not exactly restful. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's been used as a torture tactic. Add to that an extra kid and I'm pretty sure I won't be getting any sleep for at least another two years.... Right now our nights go something like this: 7-8pm: Mom gets Baby 1 ready for bed (snack, teeth brushed, overnight diaper, and pajamas). Dad...

We're only two weeks in to this life as parents of two, and already it's noticeable just how different these two babies are! When I first found out we were having another boy, I assumed the experience of raising Baby 2 would be pretty similar to raising Baby 1. But I'm actually quite pleased that this time around (and this baby) is completely unique! Almost everything about Baby 2 is the opposite of Baby 1 in both timing and personality. For example: -Baby 2 was born in the winter (December) while Baby 1 was born in the summer (six months almost exactly, in June). -Baby 2 was born in the morning (8:39am) while Baby 1 was born in the late afternoon (4:25pm). -Baby 2 came out of his C-section looking milky white, with a loud cry like a duck quacking, weighing in small (5 pounds, 14 ounces). Baby 1 came out of his C-section looking purple, with a tiny cry, weighing in at larger than we expected (7 pounds, 4 ounces). -Baby 2 was born with tan skin, dark eyes, and lots of black ...

My firstborn decided to feed me after I fed his brother. Usually after childbirth, women are...how should I say it? Not comfortable. Whether you give birth the "traditional" way or go through major surgery, the days and weeks following are filled with recovery that includes: pain, leaking fluids, lack of energy, lack of sleep, and often postpartum depression or anxiety. After my first C-section, I remember its was a good day if I had time to brush my teeth. Between C-section pain, extreme headaches, and nursing my cluster feeding newborn around the clock, I felt pretty much chained to the downstairs couch and not in the mood to do much except binge watch whatever TV show on Netflix Hubby and I could come up with (and I still had to navigate a parade of visitors since we weren't living in pandemic times just yet). This time we have also have a toddler to take care of. So, it should be harder right? It should be uncomfortable every day for a while. That's what I was fea...

The night before our C-section (Dec. 29), I was furiously checking items off my to-do list and planning for when Hubby got off work. Just about everything was finally in place, so I wanted to treat ourselves to haircuts (to hopefully not look 100% shabby when meeting Baby 2 for the first time because I knew for sure I certainly would be a mess). And that could be followed by one last cinnamon roll outing as a family of 3, because that was kind of our thing, it's right by the barber shop, and who knows when we'll get a chance to do it again for a while? Baby 1 showed his big brother maturity already, sitting in the haircut chair by himself for the first time instead of sitting in Mommy's lap. Then after quick evening haircuts on a cold December night, we walked down to the cinnamon roll shop for Baby 1's reward. He recognized the logo on the shop door already and was excited to enjoy his favorite edible cookie dough there. We sat and ate and took pictures, even recording...

Baby 1 had an absolutely wonderful Christmas visiting with both my husband's family on Christmas Eve and my family on Christmas Day. His favorite gifts included an alphabet set of little acorns that pop open with animals matching the letters inside, and a Google Nest mini speaker (which he fell asleep with on Christmas night). Afterward, I told my husband we need a new advent calendar to count down the days to Baby 2! We haven't even made it to Monday's doctor appointment because my OB-GYN called me on Thursday, December 23 (on his personal cell phone!) to say that he got the information from the high risk ultrasound doctor and that he would be calling the hospital to try to schedule a C-section before the hospitals got too busy for the holidays. After a brief waiting period he called back and said he was able to get early morning on Thursday, December 30. 7:30am C-section. Arrival time of 5:30am. Earlier was better because I wouldn't have to fast before the surgery for...

It's not what we were expecting. Hubby and I have been saying this all afternoon and evening after a busy and emotional morning of unexpected baby news. I had an appointment with my OB-GYN on Monday, December 21. Heart rate was good and we talked about the possibility of an induction on my due date if my cervix was "favorable." If my cervix wasn't at least starting to dilate and efface by January 19, then they recommended a C-section since VBAC success goes down the longer baby "cooks" and I'm already a little higher risk due to AMA (at the ripe old age of 35). I made plans to start eating dates , bouncing on an exercise ball, and trying techniques like curb stepping once I hit full term at 37 weeks in order to help increase my chances of avoiding surgery and giving birth the old fashioned way. I didn't mind a C-section if needed (I know what to expect from last time and I would have some control of the timing), but I wanted the quicker recovery t...