The Mom I Want To Be

We survived week one! (And week two and three). Hubby and I both started work again on the same day this time (March 28) after three months of parental leave. Three months bonding with our new baby, establishing a routine, and getting a reprieve from daily job duties ended in returning to our individual careers with a sigh. Hubby texted me that morning about how he missed our boys. I got down to business establishing a pumping schedule to ensure there would be enough breastmilk for the next day. We both were sad, but probably not quite as tearful as the first time around --perhaps because we'd been through this before, or perhaps because we had a rough, sleepless night right before and were focused on just surviving the day (The boys must have sensed a change that evening. Baby 1 also awoke early the night before I left for the hospital to give birth to his baby brother, so I know kids do pick up on big changes in us). My colleague also told me it does get easier the second time ar...

I'm not going to lie: life with two babies (and, yes, a 2.5-year-old toddler is basically still a baby) can be very, very hard. I don't care what you see on Instagram--it's not the whole story. Sure, I post pictures of two smiling boys on social media without showing the 300 first takes or the tears it took to get there. But I'm more likely to "humble brag" about how smart my kids are than how easy my life is right now. I want friends and family to know I can't make it to parties or monthly clubs right now. I have a very good excuse. Maybe that's why I get a little frustrated when I see cousins with equally new babies and multiple kids post pictures online of their sushi outing three days after birth or their perfect Disneyland trip with a toddler and a one-month-old. They got both babies down for a nap at the same time! Now it's time for drinks! They're making the rest of us look bad. Because I know it's not that easy. I can't even tak...

I started saying it a little before my second son was born. "We should get this for the boys." "I can't wait to take the boys." The phrase sounded both familiar (we called my brothers "the boys" growing up) and yet foreign at the same time. I was going to have two boys. They were now "the boys." It was like the day after our wedding when Hubby and I got a couple's massage at our hotel's spa. I came out of the session and approached the front desk since Hubby was no where in sight. "I'm just waiting for my husband," I said. At the time saying "husband" sounded foreign, but also exciting. I could say "husband" now. I can say "boys" now. They're both here, and it's fun to refer to them as a unit because they are our unit. Our kids. And I'm sure as they grow older they will be even more of a unit--peas in a pod, partners in crime--instead of just baby and toddler. There's not muc...

I wouldn't exactly say I got a decent amount of sleep before Baby 2 came along. After all, Baby 1 was hit or miss whether he would completely sleep through the night or whether he would wake up once and need a soothing cuddle to send him swiftly back to dreamland. Not to mention the fact that after he went to bed I'd usually stay up a couple extra hours (or more) to have just a smidgen of "me time." But, I do have to admit I'd kind of forgotten just how "sleepless" the first few weeks (or months) of having a newborn can be. Because while it is possible to get some sleep, any rest you get is broken sleep, which is not exactly restful. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's been used as a torture tactic. Add to that an extra kid and I'm pretty sure I won't be getting any sleep for at least another two years.... Right now our nights go something like this: 7-8pm: Mom gets Baby 1 ready for bed (snack, teeth brushed, overnight diaper, and pajamas). Dad...

We're only two weeks in to this life as parents of two, and already it's noticeable just how different these two babies are! When I first found out we were having another boy, I assumed the experience of raising Baby 2 would be pretty similar to raising Baby 1. But I'm actually quite pleased that this time around (and this baby) is completely unique! Almost everything about Baby 2 is the opposite of Baby 1 in both timing and personality. For example: -Baby 2 was born in the winter (December) while Baby 1 was born in the summer (six months almost exactly, in June). -Baby 2 was born in the morning (8:39am) while Baby 1 was born in the late afternoon (4:25pm). -Baby 2 came out of his C-section looking milky white, with a loud cry like a duck quacking, weighing in small (5 pounds, 14 ounces). Baby 1 came out of his C-section looking purple, with a tiny cry, weighing in at larger than we expected (7 pounds, 4 ounces). -Baby 2 was born with tan skin, dark eyes, and lots of black ...

My firstborn decided to feed me after I fed his brother. Usually after childbirth, women are...how should I say it? Not comfortable. Whether you give birth the "traditional" way or go through major surgery, the days and weeks following are filled with recovery that includes: pain, leaking fluids, lack of energy, lack of sleep, and often postpartum depression or anxiety. After my first C-section, I remember its was a good day if I had time to brush my teeth. Between C-section pain, extreme headaches, and nursing my cluster feeding newborn around the clock, I felt pretty much chained to the downstairs couch and not in the mood to do much except binge watch whatever TV show on Netflix Hubby and I could come up with (and I still had to navigate a parade of visitors since we weren't living in pandemic times just yet). This time we have also have a toddler to take care of. So, it should be harder right? It should be uncomfortable every day for a while. That's what I was fea...

The night before our C-section (Dec. 29), I was furiously checking items off my to-do list and planning for when Hubby got off work. Just about everything was finally in place, so I wanted to treat ourselves to haircuts (to hopefully not look 100% shabby when meeting Baby 2 for the first time because I knew for sure I certainly would be a mess). And that could be followed by one last cinnamon roll outing as a family of 3, because that was kind of our thing, it's right by the barber shop, and who knows when we'll get a chance to do it again for a while? Baby 1 showed his big brother maturity already, sitting in the haircut chair by himself for the first time instead of sitting in Mommy's lap. Then after quick evening haircuts on a cold December night, we walked down to the cinnamon roll shop for Baby 1's reward. He recognized the logo on the shop door already and was excited to enjoy his favorite edible cookie dough there. We sat and ate and took pictures, even recording...