Restless Baby Blues

The middle of the first trimester is going about as can be expected considering the types of articles I came across while frantically Googling whether or not I was the only one to feel this out of sorts (a.k.a. mildly squishy on a good day and full-on miserable on a bad day).

First trimester can be miserable for a lot of reasons. It started with endless nausea, made especially worse by hunger, so I find myself eating ALL the TIME. Which wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that the minute the nausea finally went away I worried I had gained too much weight too fast for the first trimester and lamented my growing "baby pooch," which is not a "bump" but instead a combination of food and bloat.

There's the acne, which comes in the form of painful bumps appearing in the most uncomfortable places--ooh look, a new one almost every day! And finally, the sheer emotional drama of not knowing if everything's okay. Lack of bump, symptoms that come and go, and no immediate doctor appointments means lots of worrying until there is some kind of physical sign that Baby is there and doing well.

Honestly, it feels like I'm in a long-distance relationship with my child, counting down the days until I can see him or her again (via ultrasound). At first I was elated that my OB-GYN wanted to see me in two weeks and do another ultrasound. Only two weeks! Some women have to wait a month or more between doctor appointments! Thankfully, my doc didn't imply that the imminence of the appointment was because something was wrong, and so I felt two weeks was fantastic news. How naive I was.

Two weeks lasts...forever.

The good news is that despite the worry, exhaustion, acne, tummy woes, and desperate attempt to hide my malaise from those I'm waiting to tell until I've made it to at least 12 weeks, the middle of the first-trimester does have some positives:

#1: FOOD

As frustrating a relationship I have with food right now (still hungry every two hours, not craving vegetables, analyzing everything I put in my mouth, and stressing over the early weight gain), there is something so liberating about being able to eat an entire meal without portion controlling. I know, of course, that having a baby inside me does not mean freedom to eat with reckless abandon. But before Baby I would often stop eating before I was truly full to ensure I didn't consume too many calories. I often ate tiny meals or opted for a bowl of cereal before bed instead of a full dinner. I regularly restricted my amount of carbs or denied myself certain types of foods in the hopes of maintaining a healthy (low) weight. Now, when I'm hungry, I let myself eat. If I can't handle something too heavy, I eat what I can handle: usually something related to crackers, rice, potatoes, or pasta. Though I still can't say I've had full-on "cravings" yet, the foods I want to eat are pretty much all the foods I loved as a child: white rice, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, and meat. I haven't really wanted desserts too much, except for the occasional cinnamon roll and ice cream shake. Luckily, I have a husband who jumped to attention when I had nausea and immediately headed to the drug store to buy lemon drops to ease my stomach. I asked if he could pick up ice cream while he was there and he bought two of my favorite kinds.

#2 OTHER BABIES

Being pregnant is a great time to admire adorable babies without feeling that twinge of pain that would come after seeing a baby when you were still trying so hard to conceive. And while Facebook babies are never in short supply (videos filled with "awwwws" are posted by friends and strangers alike) this month, on October 15, my husband's cousin (who got married just three months before us) welcomed a beautiful baby girl into the world. To see her tiny fingers and nose in the posted newborn photo left both Hubby and I gushing with joy. We also had the opportunity to shop for and wrap a baby shower gift for another cousin's baby due in December. It's nice to know that our baby will have lots of cousins around his or her own age to play with at family gatherings in the future.

#3 RESEARCH TIME

With all this time to wait, there's plenty of time to start preparing for Baby, including researching pretty much everything that will be needed to know for the future. Work maternity leave policies. How to pump breast milk. The best type of stroller and car seat to buy. Which baby registry to go with. Where to hold the baby shower. Oh, and names. Lots and lots of research on names. I've only just scratched the surface, but it is nice that when I'm feeling too exhausted to do anything after work except lie on the couch and look at my phone, I can look up anything related to Baby and instantly feel a little happier.

Because the best thing about a frustrating first trimester is that it means you're well on your way to having a real, beautiful baby in your arms.