Every Waking Moment

Dreaming of home-cooked eggs, potatoes, French toast, meat,
and maybe strawberries on the side....

So, having lived/survived? through both the newborn phase and the 3-month back-to-work phase, I would argue that, for me at least, this current older baby period is actually more challenging. I mean, yes, before I was recovering from surgery and didn't know what I was doing--but at least I was home with my husband, free from work, and could settle myself in on the couch for a week straight to just feed Baby and watch Netflix. Seriously, we binged Stranger Things, Jessica Jones, AND a whole lot of Friends. Sure, Baby wasn't sleeping through the night, but he got into a pattern of splitting his sleep into one 4-hour block and (usually) one 2-hour block, which was just enough for me. People brought you frozen casseroles because they knew you'd have no time to cook.

Now, I have to squeeze in all things Baby plus all things work. Literally every waking moment is scheduled. At 6 am I have to dress, eat, and get my car packed for work, clean my son's drinking bottles and breast pump parts and new bottles to fill at work, prepare the milk for his grandparents to give him, prepare him to travel to my parents' house or prepare my house for Hubby's parents, feed him one last time while my husband gets ready for work, and then leave by 7 am to make it on time. After a full day of work lugging a heavy cart with my purse, laptop, breast pump, lunch, and bottles (not to mention pumping all day long), I come home to pump one more time, clean bottles and parts, prep the milk for the next day, feed Baby, eat, unload my car, shower, start Baby's bedtime routine, sometimes pump one extra time to be sure I have enough milk for the next day, and then go to sleep early so we can at least get as much rest as our son does. Then it all begins again. There is no space in the day for anything else.

Who has time to cook? Our meals are fast food picked up hastily before work, protein bars, and leftovers from our parents that I usually don't even bother heating up in the microwave because again with an impatient baby, who has time? Shopping, what's that? Aside from one grocery store splurge at Sprouts after a maternity leave dentist appointment, I haven't been out shopping since 3 days before Baby was born. That's almost 4 months with no store trips at all! Thank goodness we have a grocery delivery service.

Then there's sleep regression. The 3-4 month sleep regression means my son might sleep 3.5 hours and then wake up every hour after that. Some nights he sleeps longer, but we're on pins and needles as he plays sleep roulette. Will this be the night we get 7 hours straight, or go to work like zombies functioning on 3 hours broken up?

No one thinks to bring you a casserole now.

This could be why I almost passed out at work last week. I had one breakfast bar all day, pains from not pumping enough, and I had to dive straight from a 4-hour shift at the service desk to a 2-hour event outside with no time for lunch until after. I started to get dizzy and nauseous in the middle of talking to a student and ended up sitting in the back of an ambulance on campus to check my blood sugar, blood pressure, and heart rate. I was pretty sure it was just lack of food or dehydration, but it was still a wake-up call. I had to slow down. Find balance. Even with all my moments filled, I couldn't keep going nonstop. So we've adjusted, learned, taken things one step at a time, and then powered through. Still, I really think they should warn working moms about the 3-month "re-newborn" phase (or whatever week/month mark they have to go back to work and balance all this).

It's hard, but this new phase is doable if you can establish a good schedule and routine. You adapt and survive and get used to your new, busy norm where every minute is dedicated to Baby. And honestly, things feel a lot less dire when I've slept 7 hours. This post started out a lot more complain-y when I was writing on 3 hours of sleep, but Baby then had two really good nights in a row, and I feel better. I finished the majority of this post at 4:30 am on my phone while I fed my son and awaited my alarm to start the new day. My breast pump parts soaked in their special soap and I wondered if I should have another protein bar for my first meal of the day now or try to sleep one more hour first. Baby then decided he was awake for the day. Protein bar it is.

And then my husband brought Baby downstairs to sing "Good Morning Starshine" to him, and we danced together as he cooed and smiled. I realize that even with every waking moment filled, these are the moments we have as a family that I'll hold onto forever.

Still, I wouldn't say no to a breakfast casserole....