They Can Smell Fear....

Best photo of the day, because he loves being an airplane. But nothing else could make him smile that hour
in a strange, new, hot, and odd-smelling place when all he wanted was a snack and a nap.

My baby is a beautiful, smiling, perfect angel from the moment he falls asleep until about 20 minutes after he wakes up. That's usually when the "fussies" begin. Now I can usually prevent a full-on, subatomic meltdown by feeding him, burping him, playing some music, walking around with him, or changing his diaper. And then the fussies are over. But when those techniques don't work (usually because he's tired and doesn't know how to get himself to sleep), I think all parents probably share the same fear. What do we do when what works doesn't work? Is he going to be grumpy/crying/screaming forever??

And the thing about babies is...I think they can smell our fear.

They certainly pick up on our emotions. Like when we're nervous or frustrated. Ever see a baby fidget in the hands of an anxious person who doesn't know how to hold him, but stay calm in the hands of someone who holds him off-kilter confidently? Ever see a baby scream louder when her sleep-deprived parent changes her blown out diaper with irritation instead of patience?

The babies know.

Which is probably why my baby is all smiles on Monday evening--the night Hubby works late--until about 5 minutes after my in-laws leave from a day of babysitting. Suddenly we're alone in my house, just the two of us, and that's when the crying for no reason begins.

Maybe it's because Daddy's not home too and Baby believes, "Daddy and Mommy are supposed to look after me together." Maybe it's because he's ready for bed as early as 5pm.

Or maybe he can tell I'm afraid he'll have a meltdown when I'm alone, with no none to tag-team with, which only adds to the fear of not living up to the best mom I can be. Because surely a mom should be able to calm her own crying baby by herself every time, right?

No. The answer is no. But not everyone believes this.

Even though I've gotten more confident in myself over time, I still get nervous about a lot of things. Can I keep up my milk supply to continue exclusively breastfeeding? Will someone holding him feed him solids too early when I'm not looking? Will he be scared in a new environment? Is he safe in the crib by himself?

And I get nervous about little things too, like will he smile for his professional, $300 portraits?

No. The answer is no.

I was super excited for the "mini session" harvest photos that were being offered at a local pumpkin patch. Their Saturdays in October were mostly booked, so I had to take whatever date I could get (three weeks after scheduling) and whatever time was available (11:50am). I knew my time slot wasn't the greatest (early morning is usually when Baby is the most cheerful), but this was my best option. And optimist that I am, I intended to make the most of it.

I told Hubby we should leave an hour in advance to find the pumpkin patch and get Baby used to the environment. We managed to leave at about 10:53am--not bad considering we had a Baby to get ready--but it all got flustered after that. Baby, per usual, didn't like being in the carseat for so long. He cried almost the entire second half of the 30-minute drive. Then we missed our exit, had to loop around, and finally arrived with a tired, hungry baby. So instead of taking the 20 minutes we had left to get our son acclimated, we spent it feeding him in the back of our parked car, putting on his portrait outfit, changing his diaper, putting on his outfit again, and then running to the back of the patch where the photos were located so we wouldn't lose our time slot, all while shielding our baby from the 80-degree sun which felt very un-fall like.

We arrived at the photo location exactly one minute late, and with no opportunity to show Baby around the sights, sounds, and smells that is a pumpkin patch located in the middle of a ranch. There were roosters wandering around, ponies pooping, a lot of hay, and a lot of dirt that kicked up when we walked. Plus that darn sun, and Baby in a long-sleeved "fall" outfit. His eyebrows were in a permanent scowl.

Of course, as we figured out afterward, he was just tired. Everything at the ranch was new, and all he wanted was to go to sleep.

Our photographer, however, was an absolute gem. She didn't fault us for being one minute late, and took the time to learn our son's unique name so she could call him to look at her during the session. She tried different techniques to get him to smile--funny sounds, gestures and tickles, and attempts by just Dad and by just me. She snapped away with her camera so quickly in between her attempts that we had multiple poses and backdrops for our family shots and for Baby by himself. The mini session was 20 minutes long and should have resulted in about 20-30 photos, according to the photography website. When we got our photos back a week later, there were 78 to choose from! And I loved them all, even if Baby looked grumpy and annoyed in most of them. It was a true representation of his day.

After the photoshoot, Baby continued to be disinterested in the pumpkin patch, showing no desire to interact with any of the animals we introduced him to. We left after only 50 minutes, and then Baby slept on the drive to a nearby favorite sushi restaurant for lunch. He slept through our ordering, but woke up just in time for our food to arrive, leaving Mommy and Daddy to tag-team while we took turns eating. After his nap, and after the pressure to perform was gone, Baby was all smiles in the Japanese restaurant. He eagerly looked around the new location and made friends with the 9-month pregnant lady and her husband at the table behind ours. He grinned for selfies and showed off his good mood with eyebrows raised high in curiosity and calmness. Oh well. Maybe our kid is more of an indoor person. Or maybe he really can tell when we're overly concerned about something.

Knowing Baby hadn't smiled during our photoshoot, I wasn't expecting much when the pictures arrived online the next week. However, I ended up pleased with our photographer's overall skill. We got several shots of Baby looking right at the camera, some adorable brooding model shots, and exactly one natural family photo with his smile. As I said before, I love them all.

So I guess the moral of the story is: try not to freak out over the little things, as it will all work out some way in the end. Or just try really hard to mask your anxiety when Baby is around.