Uncertain Times

Raising a baby during a global pandemic is honestly the last thing I ever expected to do. I was prepared to have sleepless nights. Prepared to watch a baby grow up in the blink of an eye. Prepared to never stop worrying and never stop loving. But I wasn't prepared for a situation like this.

As if written in a dystopian young adult novel, our state has had to make difficult decisions like closing down ALL nonessential businesses for a month. My work has had to make difficult decisions like moving all classes online in the course of two days. Hubby is off for weeks while I am able to work remotely and finally find out what it's like to be one of those moms who works from home and actually sees her child all day.

I didn't want to have to find out like this.

There's a lot of fear and panic right now. Fear of the unknown. Fear of what's going to happen to the economy. Fear of getting sick. Fear of loved ones getting sick. Fear of running out of supplies. I'm grateful Baby isn't old enough to understand what's going on with the world right now, but I also know that children who are born and raised in times of crisis can end up having that period affect them. My grandmother's best friend was killed around the time my mom was born. You'd better believe it affected how she raised my mom in a culture of fear. You'd better believe we're going to feel the effects of this virus (even if we don't get sick) for months and years to come. We're lucky and blessed that we have family here and backup plans. Not everybody does.

I also feel lucky and blessed because I know I can handle life stuck at home. I survived 3 months of maternity leave where I barely left the house. I'm an introvert who communicates with friends online already anyway. And of course life with a baby--now almost 10 months old--means I'm never bored. While others stuck at home are finding new craft projects and cleaning house, I'm chasing the fastest crawler in the west and trying to keep him from eating cords or falling into the coffee table. Plus working from home. For more on that life, read my new blog documenting these surreal times.

I don't know if this will all be over in time for my son's first birthday in early June. I don't know if we'll get the big party that Hubby's family is wanting, that our friends expect to attend, since parties take planning, and venue reservations. They're the complete opposite of social distancing and I just don't know if we'll be ready. But that doesn't mean we won't celebrate at home, in our own way. Birthday parties are the least of our worries. Right now I just want our relatives to be healthy, our friends to be safe, and our country and world to make it through this and get back to some kind of normal.

Today it's been 10 days since the business closure. Ten days working from home. Ten wonderful days with Baby full time. Ten awful days living anxiously and missing our family. But I'm staying home as much as possible, protecting my son, and waiting to see that normal again, where all I had to worry about was just trying to be the best mom I can be.