More Independence and Angry Feet

Well, I knew it was coming. My sweet boy, though still incredibly sweet, continues to head toward the big 0-2, which means big changes, big feelings, and becoming a big boy! As he gets braver, stronger, and smarter (as if that was possible, right?), he's also discovering the things he really likes to do and feels he should be able to do and the things he really doesn't like to do and feels he shouldn't have to do.

Because of this, we are starting to get a few more cry outbursts that I hesitate to call "tantrums" because he doesn't drop kicking and screaming to the floor. But he will occasionally wave his hands wildly, burst into tears, or stomp his "angry feet" when he's not quite getting his way. Sometimes it's simply because he wants Mommy instead of having his diaper changed. Other times it's because I dared to flush the potty or open the garage door without him. He's especially big on being able to wash some of his own dishes or punch in gate codes when we go out walking. He'll also sometimes get angry if we start to carry him downstairs when he really wants to walk on his own (meaning he steps down super slowly while Mommy or Daddy hold his arms).

Often, though, these biggest moods seem to come from something deeper. Often it's a separation anxiety phase where he's just feeling a little extra sensitive. Or if it's late at night, I can almost guarantee his outbursts are because he's tired. Which isn't to say his feelings aren't valid. His desire to have what little control a toddler can have in a big adult world is very real, and I try to ensure that he knows he's always safe and loved and can let his feelings out but that it's going to be okay. I'll typically hold him close (unless he protests) and breathe with him, or lie with him on the floor to look up at the ceiling fan spinning in order to calm down. Sometimes he just works himself up so much that even though the problem has been solved, he can't stop crying. This is where breathing and stillness and taking him out of the situation into a quiet new situation are especially helpful. At this age, distraction and redirection are still a huge help.

I try to let him have as much freedom and independence as he can while still being safe, and usually give in to most of his newfound requests such as washing a dish or opening the garage door or playing outside. But, inevitably, there's going to be something I'll have to say no too. Like when he really, really didn't want to come inside from playing in our front yard but I could see he was getting overheated in 90 degree weather. While the tears from that interruption of doing what he wanted lasted longer than usual, I finally managed to calm him down with water, breathing, and a little more distraction too. Sometimes blowing cool air across his forehead is a pleasant, funny, or startling enough action to break him out of a fit. Sometimes we still go back to the tried and true singing a favorite song from his infancy. And sometimes it just takes time.

I guess one good thing about life in a post-pandemic, modern world, is that our groceries are ordered online and I rarely actually take him into a store for shopping. So I never have to drag him out of the candy aisle at the grocery store. And usually he doesn't make a huge fit about candy at home anyway. French fries on the other hand....

There's a lot of good to look forward to as an almost two-year-old too. Baby is slowly starting to talk more, often repeating "Mama" for me in the bathtub of all places, and is constantly learning and using new sign language words like "open" and "help" and even sometimes "please." And seeing every newfound independence experience fills me with pride. He can get his own cup out of the cabinet for milk. He can open the mailbox with our key (mostly). He can even put his boots on by himself, though they're sometimes on the wrong feet and they're not zipped up. But I can't even express how proud I am to see him walk over to a little table on his own and hold on for leverage so he can successfully slip his feet into the shoes without falling over. He will also adorably try on my slip-on shoes and is actually really good at walking in them. He looks like an ice skater swaying his arms back and forth to keep balance as he walks. It's both clever and hilarious. He continues to be funny with his newfound love of giving "back massage" pats on all his family members, throwing "duck lips" for FaceTime calls and kisses, and having his jaw drop when he's surprised every once in a while.

It's not as funny when he fights sleep, of course, which is usually due to "fear of missing out." Those cries often start as soon as a familiar bedtime routine begins--sometimes it's the bath upstairs. Sometimes it's turning off his favorite videos and starting his bedtime music. Sometimes it's just picking him up to rock him when he insists he's not sleepy at 10:00 at night. But despite these sleep troubles and his cries, I still feel good knowing I can mostly comfort him. Even tonight as he started to flap his arms in anger at his favorite bedtime song and tears formed in the corners of his eyes, I stayed calm and spoke to him about how I understood he wanted to keep playing, but it was bedtime and he would need to go to sleep so he could play tomorrow. He still didn't look very happy, but he listened to me when I told him to breathe, calmed himself down, and eventually let me rock him in our rocking chair until his eyelids drooped and shut for the night at last.

Seeing him actually use the techniques I've tried to teach him and calm himself down independently is another beautiful thing about this age that makes me glow with pride.

And when we spent an entire day alone together last Saturday while I was off and Daddy was at work, I realized again how lucky I was to have such a sweet, good boy. We are blessed that his independent streak doesn't make him difficult at all. The day with just the two of us was so perfect, I wrote a poem about it (to be shared next blog post). No crying. No fighting. Just learning and playing and cuddling together so happily.

We'll see what happens when he turns two, though....